i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
