question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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