So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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