guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
