All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
