I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
