2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
