Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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