toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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