omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You are a genius and a whore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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