so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
