Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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