??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
