she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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