He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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