tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
