The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
