He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
