so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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