Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
