This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
