Christians are straight up FREAKS
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
