they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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