Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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