I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
