I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just high enough for therapy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
