so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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