do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
