He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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