what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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