I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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