there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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