Your face is a jimmy john
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
