my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
