Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
