Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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