Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We have so much sex to catch up on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
