I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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