so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
