Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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