Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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