When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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