me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
