Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
