i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
