I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
