his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
