Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize