Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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