walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
