What did we do last night that was yellow?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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