hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
