i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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