I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
