i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
