Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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