I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
