My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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