Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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