I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize